Negotiating against yourself isn't just ineffective. It's costly. And it's more common than you might think, given that 80% of businesses lack formal negotiation processes*.
If deals don't often go your way, that's about to change! Let us walk you through what negotiating against yourself means, why it happens, and how to break the habit with practical negotiation strategies.
Negotiating against yourself means making concessions before the other party has responded. You give value away by lowering your price or shortening your delivery time, unprompted. This usually happens because you are unsure of your position, too focused on what the other party might think, or simply uncomfortable with silence. Let's break it down further.
It doesn't make any sense, isn't it? Why give away value for nothing? And yet, so many novice negotiators fall into the pattern of negotiating against themselves. Here's why.
A project manager walks into a pricing discussion with a client. They know the numbers, but doubt whether the client will accept them. Before the client even says a word, the PM knocks 10% off the rate. The client nods, agreeing immediately. A brief moment of elation gives way to uncertainty. Should the PM have held firm? That's self-doubt in action. When you give in to insecurities, you make unnecessary negotiation compromises and do the other person's job for them!
Fear, usually of what others think of you, is another reason you might negotiate against yourself. Typically, fear that the other person will assume you are greedy, incompetent, arrogant, or unrealistic. To avoid this, you rush to soften your offer before you have even been challenged. You set the price too low, propose an unrealistic timeline, or make promises you can't keep...in direct opposition to your best interests.
Silence in negotiation is powerful, but many people panic when they don't get an immediate response. They take the silence as rejection and rush to adjust their price. In reality, high-stakes negotiations take time, and experienced negotiators know how to wait. They understand that silence can be a strategy, a way to test confidence, create pressure, and force a better deal.
As an example, a software firm quotes a new client, only to encounter a stoic face. Instead of asking about the client's concerns, the sales manager immediately lowers the fee. The result? The company loses margin, weakens credibility, and subconsciously trains the client to expect concessions.
You have always negotiated like this; it feels familiar, perhaps even comfortable. The problem is comfort can be costly. Going in unprepared puts you at a self-inflicted disadvantage, especially if the other side has a clear-cut strategy. With Scotwork training, your deals will get more than routine efforts. We can equip you with how to become aware of and break unhelpful habits, so that you achieve your desired outcomes.
When you hand over the advantage from the get-go, you make yourself vulnerable to poor business deals. This is why.
Making a second offer without hearing from the other party signals insecurity or impatience. It shows you are unsure of your position or eager to close, which they can exploit.
Changing your position unprovoked undermines your reliability. If you shift your offer before they even counter, you are telling them not to take your proposals seriously.
A shop owner in Scotland tried for weeks to sell an antique footstool. They cut the price, dressed the window, and did everything they could to attract buyers. Nothing worked. On a hunch, they raised the price above what they originally asked for. It sold the next day.
Why? Because when the price was low, buyers assumed the stool wasn't worth much. Once priced with confidence, it created the perception of value.
The same thing happens in negotiations. Drop your rate too early, and you don't just lose money, but you also risk signalling that what you offer is not worth it. Value is not only communicated by the product; it's also in how you price it.
In a skilled negotiation, both sides win. Unlike haggling, which is all about getting the lowest price, negotiating is about trading value. And here's how to do it well.
We cannot stress this enough: never go into a conversation unprepared. Always do your research, so you have data and evidence to support your claims. If your product or service costs more than those of your competitor, explain why. Better quality? More support? Faster delivery? Keep the reasoning firm in your mind.
When you know exactly why your product or service is priced the way it is (which you definitely should know), lowballing yourself will begin to feel absurd.
Ask yourself, what is the most important thing? Is it a margin or a long-term partnership? Is it speed or volume? Know your priorities. If you are vague, you will dither. Stay aware, and you will know when you can concede and when to hold your ground.
Watch out for the possibility that your initial offer may be met with silence. And don't panic. Experienced negotiators might use this tactic to get you to submit to their demands. When this happens, be sure to maintain your stance. Negotiation is not only knowing when to talk, but also when to stay silent.
If your proposal lands badly, don't jump in to "rescue" it by lowering the fee. Instead, throw the ball back into the other person's court by asking them for a counteroffer. This keeps the conversation going without weakening your position.
Is cost still a sticking point? You can sweeten the deal, but be sure to ask for something in return. For example, "If you can commit to 500 units instead of 300, we can discuss a discount."
It's better to take a step back than to jump into a poor business deal. Who knows? Choosing to walk away could even cause the other side to reconsider.
Good negotiation isn't intuitive. It's learned, practiced, and mastered. With Scotwork courses and resources, you can learn and practice skills from proposal making to multi-party negotiations, and never negotiate against yourself again.
Success in the negotiation process depends on more than instinct. It requires preparation, clear strategies, and a strong understanding of the other side's perspective. If your team continues to lose value at the table, it's time to develop negotiation skills that create better business outcomes. Scotwork can help. Get in touch today
